Hey i didn't get much answers so im asking again?

Instead of focussing on writing freehand, join a writing club, they will be able to give you honest, sincere feedback. You'll also see what other people write in the same ae-group as you, and will als allow you to enter in competitions, and possibly even win some. I, personnally don't like your book, it is boring and does not cature the reader's attention. As I said beforem join a writing club, there is probably one at school, and all I can say is keep practising. No-one ever baecame good by having one go, and giving up.